Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Been broken…

I haven't been around too much in the past 7 months - I've been broken. I lost my job, it was a shock both to my inner self and my income, but the broken part is what it did to my heart. I thought the people and worked for - thought that was 'with' - were my friends. It was that sort of job where everyone is working for the good of everyone. Turned out not so much. Let go unceremoniously, rudely, and at the end of a convention that my partner and I had organized for this association. We were told at the final banquet that our services were no longer needed. Maybe you've been there; maybe not. Maybe you survived better. But I've been broken and only now am climbing out of a deep, dark, dank hole.

So what have I been doing - I put out a newsletter, and I do that. But what has really kept me going is being in the corals with the horses. I clean corals most every day. It's always been a tension releaser, but through these months, it's gotten me out of my head - the 'what did I do wrong,' 'how was I so stupid not to see,' 'how could I ever have thought these people were good people,' - all that, but mostly, what is wrong with me. I also came to realize that I have stopped almost everything that is me to do this job. It was very demanding, and I just stopped crafting, sewing, gardening, knitting, imagining, WRITING - really so many things that are part of me. After about 15 years with this group, I found myself - BROKEN.

I think I'm finally headed to repair. Part of that is my evenings with the horses. This picture was taken tonight about 10 minutes before it was totally dark - and temps dropped to low 20s - but it's part of the beauty I see every evening. Right before this, the snow-covered mountains to the east had turned a light blue, the sky a cloudy blue. Each evening I'm treated to a spectacular sunset, an occasional screech of a hawk, a flock of geese heading to the pond in V formation - nature.

Oh - we also inherited another goat, Annie. She is my grandson's goat and oh so cute. She follows me around whenever I'm outside - one of the dogs! This shot taken 2 weeks ago before the snow arrived. Pretty Annie trimming the roses.

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